I took a day off recently. For the first time since this pandemic began, I was truly “out of office” all day. I didn’t check email or Slack once, and even put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours.
With CoVid-19 blending our work and home lives more than ever before, it’s incredibly hard to turn off. I love my job, and am especially grateful to have it considering the times we are in. It also gives me a sense of structure and control when everything else feels like a chaotic mess.
But here’s the thing: off time, boundaries, and SELF CARE matter.
Self care isn’t exactly sexy though - real self care can be raw and hard. I often mistake self care with the concept of “treat yourself.” Sometimes the two crossover, but lately I’ve realized I’m “treating myself” with what I thought was self care, but in reality it’s just another form of avoiding the root of what needs to be cared for.
There are the seemingly obvious avoidance techniques I am quite familiar with such as pouring another glass of wine, baking bread as if I own a bakery, or getting lost in a social media scroll. There are also less obvious avoidance techniques that masquerade as healthy habits like doing Whole30, new daily exercise challenges, obsessing over meditation and trying to find freaking zen. There is a time and a place for all of these, absolutely. My internal pendulum has gone from one side of these extremes to the other thinking I was doing “self care,” but in taking an actual day OFF from doing anything I’ve been able to pause and reevaluate.
Self care doesn’t always feel good.
It’s not all bubble baths and yoga.
Sometimes the work of real self care is just hard, and there are no quick fixes or easy answers.
I wrote my previous post after 2 months of quiet isolation at the start of this pandemic when I was still in NYC. I was just beginning to uncover the magic (and heaviness) of what it means “to be or not to be.” Then, I got a call that my mom’s health was declining and her cancer, now stage 4, was growing aggressively. I came to California filled with anxiety and unknowns. I’ve been here for over three months now, sharing primary care-taking responsibilities with my sister. There is no more alone time. The pandemic is still happening. SO many things are still happening in the world that require justice, action, and help. Wherever we find ourselves, the collective and individual chaos of life right now is overwhelming.
We have to learn to turn off and tune in. If we’re going to keep fighting the good fight, we have to learn to properly care for the vessel (aka OURSELVES) that’s going to do so. This is where self care can get unsexy at times, but it’s also where the richest growth and most resonate care happens. Sometimes self care is letting yourself break down and cry - if those emotions are in there, they have to get out somehow! Sometimes self care is asking for help and letting someone see you in the midst of peak vulnerability. Sometimes self care is spending a day alone at the beach practicing presence, and accepting that it’s okay to not be okay. Self care isn’t always about finding a fix, sometimes it’s just honoring what is, even if it’s a mess. To ignore will only cause more stress and shame.
This post is certainly a little more vulnerable than it is “inspiring life coach advice” or practical encouragement. But as a life coach, and heck just as a fellow person trying to survive this season, I want to be better at being real about how hard it is IN THE MIDST OF instead of waiting until I have a lesson or success story to share on the other side. I’m really proud of my self care day off last week, and want to share the power and positive impact that had on my mental health with you. I want to challenge and URGE you to consider what real self care looks like to you. I want to help you do that, while also acknowledging I still have work to do too.
Life is hard, self care is hard, but we can do hard things.
snapshot from my day off
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