To be or not to be, that is the question…
It’s the question many of us are forced to face right now, whether we want to or not. The majority of the world is shutdown, void of distractions and the typical rhythms of our doing-centered lives. What’s left is an opportunity to BE.
When presented with a choice of being versus doing, I’d argue that most of us feel more comfortable in the doing camp. Doing gives us a sense of control, accomplishment, contribution, and keeps our focus external. Being requires slowing down, silence, awareness, and focusing inward. Being requires you to let go and welcome what is, as daunting as that may be.
In Hamlet’s famous soliloquy, he ponders the struggle of being versus not being. He’s wondering if life is better than death. You can Google the whole thing, but to summarize: he’s saying life is really freaking hard, death might be a sweet dream of relief, but what if it’s actually worse? The crux of this (in my opinion) is a resistance to pain and ambiguity, and a desire for certainty and relief.
BEING is hard. Society isn’t exactly set up to support being, especially if it means being not okay. Sadness isn’t sexy. We celebrate people who are tough, who are put together, who have a plan, who ‘get through it.’ Where’s the recognition for people in the midst of though? You have to break down before you break through. Where’s the space for that?
Right now, many of us have been forced into that space, which is quite jolting. We live in a world of constant doing and expectation that when we’re forced to pause, we have no idea how the hell to handle it. What I’m coming to realize is that handling it doesn’t necessarily mean we need to find a fix for whatever is coming up for us. We just need to honor the truth of what we’re feeling. Being with these emotions will likely be uncomfortable. Our instinct is to reject discomfort, seek solutions, and be okay. We will be okay again, I know it. We just can’t keep rushing the process to get there. We have to hurt before we can heal.
I’m not suggesting that wallowing in the difficulties of being should completely take over life right now. I binged Tiger King. I love a good quarantini. I downloaded Houseparty. Relief is okay and important. I’m just suggesting that we embrace this forced time and space, and don’t run to distractions when it starts to get hard. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think embracing being always leads to negative feelings that are hard to sit with. I believe being can give awareness to new dreams, untapped desires, and fresh creativity. But in light of everything going on in the world today, and in light of living in a culture that thrives on distracting us from pain, I challenge you to be with what you’ve been resisting. Just be with, and let it be.
quarantine view from my apartment in Soho, Manhattan
Comments